Me myself and Derrick
This entry is a little overdue but well as some say “better late then never”. This is regarding my stay in XXX company. (name changed to protected innocent parties involved)
First day of work procedures were more or less what I expected. I reported at the main HQ at 830 and subsequently briefing revealed that my actual working place is at Serangoon which was something I was secretly hoping since it is nearer my house.
Then I figured out how to go to my new office and managed to find it after some navigation. I reach the office one hour before lunch time and was just in time to receive a brief lecture on my job scope before I was interviewed by the big boss.
So everything went according to plan or was it?......
Transcript of the interview with Mr De-prick (names aptly changed to protect the innocent).
Words in italics represent my inner thoughts.
De-prick: So you are the new guy?
Me: Yes. (Duh!)
De-prick: So what do you wish to obtain at the end of your stay here?
Me: Pick up some relevant work experience and learn some skills and blah blah blah for quite some time……. (so predictable….)
De-prick: What do you do during your weekends with your friends?
Me: (abit stun at the question…)
Errrr…. I ….. sometimes watch soccer with my friends.
(What does he want to know???)
De-prick: What sort of books do you read?
Me: (stun again….. is this some beauty contest???)
Errr….. Besides textbooks… (my feeble attempts at a joke… he didn’t laugh) I read mostly mystery and thriller novels.
(I am already quite puzzled and surprised at my treatment)
De-prick: Are you a ‘A’s students? Scholar?
Me: No (softly)
De-prick: Which JC did you come from then?
Me: Tampines JC.
(I am now puzzled, surprised and felt a tweeny little bit insulted)
De-prick: Do you view porn?
Me: (totally stun into silence)
….??.....?????.......????????......????????
(did my ears hear wrongly….. and yes my dear friends you never read wrongly as well)
De-prick: Did you ever stumble into porn sites while surfing?
Me: (OHhhhhhhhhhhh that was what he meant lah…. Duh. English so lousy.)
Errr yes sometimes you will accidentally click onto those sites.
De-prick: So who teach you morals?
(That is none of your business you fat piece of lard. You deserve the bloody nick that I gave you De-PRICK)
Me: MY PARENTS! (raising my voice to show my defiance)
De-prick: (speaking in a much softer voice now that he knows he has agitated me)
Ok. I just wish you to know that you are not suppose to break the company rules, be punctual for work, do not be absent without notice or reason and……blah blah and ……blah blah and (on and on he goes like a Duracell rabbit)
Me: Yes I will bear that in mind. (Hello, I am 23 not 13….)
De-prick: Do you know what are the two secrets to being successful?
Free of charge ? (laughs at his own joke)
Me: -_-" I don’t know.
De-prick is apparently in the mood for more crap.
De-prick: They are (drum rolls please)
1. the people you mixed around and
2. the books you read
Me: Ohhhhhhhhh (he is so bloody stupid he didn’t know it was in a sarcastic tone and he smiled at me
thinking that I have suddenly become enlightened and an aura of golden light was hovering
above my head)
(Clock strikes 1230… time for lunch break and I was finally SAVED and spared from answering more pagent questions and revealing more of my tastes for movies, females and fashion and other what not that he might possibly want to know from me)
Luckily for me the rest of the day passed in peace asking me to do mundane tasks such as taking photos. It is late. Time to fill you in another day!
First day of work procedures were more or less what I expected. I reported at the main HQ at 830 and subsequently briefing revealed that my actual working place is at Serangoon which was something I was secretly hoping since it is nearer my house.
Then I figured out how to go to my new office and managed to find it after some navigation. I reach the office one hour before lunch time and was just in time to receive a brief lecture on my job scope before I was interviewed by the big boss.
So everything went according to plan or was it?......
Transcript of the interview with Mr De-prick (names aptly changed to protect the innocent).
Words in italics represent my inner thoughts.
De-prick: So you are the new guy?
Me: Yes. (Duh!)
De-prick: So what do you wish to obtain at the end of your stay here?
Me: Pick up some relevant work experience and learn some skills and blah blah blah for quite some time……. (so predictable….)
De-prick: What do you do during your weekends with your friends?
Me: (abit stun at the question…)
Errrr…. I ….. sometimes watch soccer with my friends.
(What does he want to know???)
De-prick: What sort of books do you read?
Me: (stun again….. is this some beauty contest???)
Errr….. Besides textbooks… (my feeble attempts at a joke… he didn’t laugh) I read mostly mystery and thriller novels.
(I am already quite puzzled and surprised at my treatment)
De-prick: Are you a ‘A’s students? Scholar?
Me: No (softly)
De-prick: Which JC did you come from then?
Me: Tampines JC.
(I am now puzzled, surprised and felt a tweeny little bit insulted)
De-prick: Do you view porn?
Me: (totally stun into silence)
….??.....?????.......????????......????????
(did my ears hear wrongly….. and yes my dear friends you never read wrongly as well)
De-prick: Did you ever stumble into porn sites while surfing?
Me: (OHhhhhhhhhhhh that was what he meant lah…. Duh. English so lousy.)
Errr yes sometimes you will accidentally click onto those sites.
De-prick: So who teach you morals?
(That is none of your business you fat piece of lard. You deserve the bloody nick that I gave you De-PRICK)
Me: MY PARENTS! (raising my voice to show my defiance)
De-prick: (speaking in a much softer voice now that he knows he has agitated me)
Ok. I just wish you to know that you are not suppose to break the company rules, be punctual for work, do not be absent without notice or reason and……blah blah and ……blah blah and (on and on he goes like a Duracell rabbit)
Me: Yes I will bear that in mind. (Hello, I am 23 not 13….)
De-prick: Do you know what are the two secrets to being successful?
Free of charge ? (laughs at his own joke)
Me: -_-" I don’t know.
De-prick is apparently in the mood for more crap.
De-prick: They are (drum rolls please)
1. the people you mixed around and
2. the books you read
Me: Ohhhhhhhhh (he is so bloody stupid he didn’t know it was in a sarcastic tone and he smiled at me
thinking that I have suddenly become enlightened and an aura of golden light was hovering
above my head)
(Clock strikes 1230… time for lunch break and I was finally SAVED and spared from answering more pagent questions and revealing more of my tastes for movies, females and fashion and other what not that he might possibly want to know from me)
Luckily for me the rest of the day passed in peace asking me to do mundane tasks such as taking photos. It is late. Time to fill you in another day!
posted by Zen at 1:32 am
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